I sent this out to a few people, but am posting it here for those that haven’t seen it. This is a transcript of a recent morning alone with The Boy. Since The Wife works nights, there are usually a few mornings a week where he and I are the only ones in the house. It’s amusing and highlights the joys of dealing with a stubborn midget.<\/p>\n
WAKE UP AND GO UPSTAIRS TO WAKE THE BOY<\/p>\n
ME: \t“Morning, Boy. Time to get up.”<\/p>\n
HIM: \t“I wanna watch movies.”<\/p>\n
ME: \t“Don’t think we’ll have time for that. Let’s go downstairs.” (note: if (movie && turn off before end) then tantrum();)<\/p>\n
ME:\t“Do you need to go potty before we go downstairs?”<\/p>\n
HIM:\t“No.”<\/p>\n
GO DOWNSTAIRS, TURN ON TV AND RUMMAGE THROUGH LAUNDRY TO FIND SOMETHING FOR HIM TO WEAR<\/p>\n
ME:\t“What do you want for breakfast, waffles or toast with jelly?” (cleverly steering him to what we have)<\/p>\n
HIM:\t“I no want toast with jelly.”<\/p>\n
ME:\t“Waffles then?”<\/p>\n
HIM:\t(nodding) “Waffles.”<\/p>\n
GO START WAFFLES TOASTING<\/p>\n
HIM:\t“(unintelligible)….peepee.”<\/p>\n
ME:\t“Then go into the bathroom and go. I’ll be there in a minute.”<\/p>\n
HE MOVES AT A GLACIAL PACE TOWARDS THE BATHROOM WHILE WATCHING TV<\/p>\n
ME:\t“Come on, let’s go to the bathroom, then you can watch.”<\/p>\n
WHILE STEERING HIM TO THE BATHROOM, I NOTICE THAT PAJAMAS ARE NOW WET<\/p>\n
ME:\t“Did you already go peepee?” (a moot question as i’ve surmised the answer)<\/p>\n
HIM:\t(nod sheepishly)\t(note: less than 5 minutes have passed since asking him if he had to go)<\/p>\n
ME:\t“The Boy, I just asked you if you needed to go. This is disappointing. Please try and remember to pee in the potty.”<\/p>\n
HIM:\t“No say that, Daddy”<\/p>\n
WAFFLES ARE NOW DONE. TURN OFF TV. DRESS THE NOW NAKED BOY. CUT AND SERVE THE WAFFLES AND JUICE.<\/p>\n
HIM:\t“I no want this. I want toast.”<\/p>\n
ME:\t(now getting mad) “I just asked you what you wanted and you said waffles. Now I have to waste these and more time.”<\/p>\n
GO START TOAST AND FEED DOG. QUICKLY PUT ON JELLY AND SERVE WHILE HEADING FOR THE SHOWER.<\/p>\n
ME:\t“I’m getting in the shower. Please eat your toast.”<\/p>\n
SPEED SHOWER SO HE DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO DECORATE THE DEN WITH JELLY<\/p>\n
ME:\t(while dressing from the bathroom) “Are you eating your toast?”<\/p>\n
HIM:\t“Yes. I all finished.”<\/p>\n
ME:\t“Good job. Thank you. I’ll be out in a minute.”<\/p>\n
HIM:\t(pause from the other room) “I take my socks off.”<\/p>\n
ME:\t(from the bathroom) “Are you trying to drive me insane?”<\/p>\n
HIM:\t“Yes”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I sent this out to a few people, but am posting it here for those that haven’t seen it. This is a transcript of a recent morning alone with The Boy. Since The Wife works nights, there are usually a few mornings a week where he and I are the only ones in the house. […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-517","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","category-5-id","post-seq-1","post-parity-odd","meta-position-corners","fix"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3fonJ-8l","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=517"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=517"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=517"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thechunk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=517"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}